World Physique

"There is a difference between being MY best and being THE best. Sometimes they are one and the same, and sometimes not; being able to accept that is a valuable lesson."

WP: Hi Cathleen! You have been a huge player in Team World Physique. Everyone is talking about your articles you write for World Physique Magazine! We are so lucky to have you! Thank you so much for taking the time to do this interview! Please tell our readers about yourself!

CK: Hi! Thanks so much for giving me this opportunity. Let’s see, I am 49 years old, married, and the mother of 2 daughters, ages 23 and 16. I am a microbiologist, Group Exercise Instructor, Personal Trainer, freelance writer, and competitive bodybuilder.

WP: You really do it all and it took you a lot to get to this point. You experienced a very difficult period in your life before seeking treatment 10 years ago. Can you talk to me about it?

CK: For as long as I can remember, I have been battling anorexia. It probably started when I was about 13 years old. Anorexia is such a complicated illness/addiction. It angers me when uneducated people blame me, saying I am just “doing it for attention”, when truly it is an illness just like diabetes or anything else. I didn’t ask for it to develop. Often, anorexia seems to present itself as a means for coping with chaos in one’s life when everything seems out of control. The food you eat, therefore, seems to become one aspect of life which you CAN control, so you seize upon it. However, the paradox of the illness is that you really do NOT have control at all; you are BEING controlled by the eating disorder, which eventually takes on a life of its own. It is about so much more than food; it is about perfection, isolation, withdrawal, self-punishment, and ultimately death, since that is what the controlling demon wants. After being enmeshed in the clutches of anorexia, death seems like the only way out.

WP: You battled anorexia for such a long time. What was the turning point that made you decide to get help and end your battle with anorexia?

CK: Honestly, even to this day I cannot say that I wanted to get help. I was at a place where I couldn’t really function anymore. Between my doctor and my husband, there had been talk of going to court and having my rights revoked as though I was a minor so that they could intervene to save my life. Fortunately, I made the decision to enter the treatment center that my doctor had just opened in St. Louis, simply because I didn’t know what else to do. My body was shutting down, our girls were scared, and I had no quality of life. I even consented to a feeding tube, which, by the way, is the most painful thing ever! Worse than childbirth!

After several months, I was allowed to return to teaching my classes, but only 2 a week. I saw myself slowly slipping backwards, though, since old habits are hard to break! It wasn’t until I started actively strength-training that my life began to take a positive turn. Interesting that you speak of “ending my battle with anorexia”, it never ends, honestly. Each day is a challenge, meeting my intake goals. It takes a concerted effort on my part to stay on task. I just know that my goals depend on my calories as much as on my training, and that is what keeps me focused!

WP: It is wonderful to hear that exercise had a positive impact on you during such a trying time. How exactly did exercise change your life?

CK: Strength training requires a lot of calories; building muscle is a big effort for one who is accustomed to denying adequate nutrition! But, having the first glimpses of progress really propelled me forward. I was always a cardio person; I started dancing at the age of 5, and had 9 years of formal training in ballet, tap and jazz. From there, I moved into first participating in and later teaching aerobics. Weightlifting was never even on my radar. But once I started, I was hooked. Now, my focus was on maintaining enough calories to build muscle rather than on trying my hardest to tear my body down.

WP: And once you started strength training, it wasn’t long before the figure stage was calling! In 2005, you entered your first competition. What made you want to compete?

CK: One of the trainers at my gym had just entered his first competition and was telling me all about it. He was so excited; it made me think maybe, just maybe, I could do it. My training buddy at the time said that if I could just maintain a certain number of calories for long enough, he wouldn’t hesitate to put me on stage. It took 3 years or more to get me ready! My first foray into the competitive world was as a Figure athlete. I LOVED the 4” heels!

WP: Tell me about your first Figure competition! Can you describe your experience?

CK: My first competition was the 2005 Caveman Classic held in St. Louis. It’s a pretty big show. I entered the Masters Figure division, which was for women 35 and older. I was 44, not the typical age to start such an endeavor! I had so much to learn: how to pose, how to apply Pro-Tan and false eyelashes, what kind of posing suits to custom-order, etc. It is quite an interesting subculture! At first, I was afraid of what the other women would be like, but backstage everyone was so nice! We all helped each other get ready, shared our food and makeup, and there really was nothing to do but embrace the moment. When I stepped out on that stage, I finally felt beautiful. Every woman deserves that! There were 7 women in my division, and I took 3rd place. It was positively unbelievable! The trophy was huge, taller than our younger daughter at the time! After I got off the stage, I was shaking. I sat down, and had a flashback of being in the treatment center with the feeding tube. Realizing how far I had come, what I had been able to accomplish, tears come to my eyes.

WP: And it was an amazing accomplishment! To not only rise up and take control of your of your demons, but to compete and take third place in your first contest is truly admirable. What did you take away from that first show?

CK: The most impactful thing I took away from that evening was the knowledge that I had accomplished something I had never even dreamed of. I had taken my “body obsession”, if you will, and propelled it into a positive direction. Looking at the other women, whose physiques were enviable, I decided that continuing on in this sport was definitely the thing that would keep me alive. I also realized that bodybuilding was probably the direction in which I wanted to go, rather than figure. My body is just so angular and vascular. Also, the bodybuilding poses themselves seemed more natural for me than the figure ones. I also have come to LOVE the 60-second routines that I get to choreograph to music of my choice!

WP: It’s incredible that you were able to know and understand your body that much after your first show. And, you have been in quite a few competitions since then! Care to share what titles you’ve won?

CK: I have competed in 10 shows since 2005. I have been blessed with 19 trophies, half of which are first places! In 2007, I won “Best Poser” at the St. Louis Naturals, and then went on to take 2nd in Masters at the NANBF Nationals. Those two are pretty special to me. In 2008 and in 2009, I won the Open and Masters at the Mr. / Ms. Natural Indiana. That was pretty wonderful, too; being able to return to defend my titles for a second year!

WP: Nineteen trophies in 5 years? Incredible! What drives you to compete so consistently? What’s your motivation?

CK: What drives me? There were several things, honestly. For as much time (and money!) as was spent on my years of treatment and counseling, it is really the bodybuilding that enables me to keep the anorexia monster somewhat at bay. That in and of itself is enough to keep me motivated.

Also, I am driven to excel. Learning the painful way that perfection is unattainable, I strive for excellence instead. I also learned that there is a difference between being MY best and being THE best. Sometimes they are one and the same, and sometimes not; being able to accept that is a valuable lesson. Always trying to improve on my last “personal best” lift has become somewhat of a game for me. It helps keep me motivated, since I am only competing with myself. Sometimes, though, when I am in the middle of a particularly grueling set, I remind myself that the woman who is going to be on stage next to me someday is at this very moment training harder than me! That usually is enough to kick me into high gear!

As for the competitions themselves, they are just so much fun! I have made lasting friendships with the women I have met through this sport; we support each other because we understand each other. Not too many people who are not involved in this at some level really get what it takes, what we go through 10 weeks out from a competition, and all the sacrifices that must be made along the way! I also would like to believe that I am setting a good example for our daughters; that with hard work and determination, anything is possible.

WP: You are so competitive! I love it! I also love that you seem to embrace everything about competition and really enjoy it. What competitions do you have lined up for 2010?

CK: At the end of the 2009 season, my coach strongly urged me to take 2010 off from competing and dedicate the year instead to adding muscle. I am what is known as a “hard-gainer” (no great surprise there!). It took my body until about November to fully recover from competition dieting. If I were to compete this season, I would have had to start dieting again by about April which is not a significant amount of time to add muscle! His suggestion seemed like a good idea, and I intend to honor it. So far, it has been going quite well.

WP: Sounds like a great plan, and a way to step onstage at your next competition even better! What do you enjoy most about competing?

CK: There are so many things that I enjoy about it! Having the focus of an upcoming show really helps drive me to train as hard – and smart – as possible. I am the only competitive bodybuilder at my gym, and I am so blessed to have a lot of support from my friends and co-workers! I also love “the look” when I am one week out from a competition and, of course, the day of the show! I can finally see and appreciate why I have been training so hard. It brings everything together for me. There are always the small moments, too; when I’m waiting to go on stage, when I get to reflect on where I have been, where I am, and where I’d like to be going. Reflecting on the past is a good thing to do sometimes; it makes me appreciate my life so much more.

WP: You are so grateful and appreciative of all the things involved with training and competing. Can you tell me in what way competing has helped you the most?

CK: Competing has given me confidence! My posture is a lot better, too - people at work are always commenting on that! Competing has allowed me to trade a dangerous body obsession for a positive one, and has provided me with the ever-evolving opportunity for learning and personal growth.

WP: What would you say to someone interested in stepping onto the competitive stage?

CK: My approach would be very honest: you need to fully comprehend all that is involved. A lot of people think it is just a glorified beauty contest. It is NOT. The amount of hard work, sacrifice, diet manipulation, and education required is not to be taken lightly. One must be informed, be prepared, and be willing to accept tears and pain and frustration in the gym. I’d also suggest getting a quality trainer; someone who possesses not only the knowledge required but also the patience!

WP: Can you tell me how your training has changed over the years? How does your training differ now compared to when you trained for your first competition?

CK: Oh my gosh, it is SO different! I used to obsess over a single exercise when I first started training! For a while, it was weighted pull-ups, and then weighted dips. Finally, I learned to find a balance that provided me with the greatest results. I love to go heavy and set personal goals. This year, on my 49th birthday in June, I hit 180 lbs. on bench press. But, I am always reminded that when I am on stage, the judges don’t care how strong I am! My body actually responds best to higher volume and less-than-maximal weight, so I try to rotate programs every 4 weeks. Sometimes I do a power program then I alternate it with a high-volume hypertrophy program. This also keeps me from getting bored and allows my body to constantly be challenged in a new direction.

WP: What do you consider to be the hardest part of training?

CK: Legs days, for sure! Also, sometimes it is hard for me to get in all of my calories. I can tell that my nutrition the day before was lacking when I try to do a difficult lift and it simply doesn’t happen!

WP: Can you give me an example of your current workout? What are some of your favorite exercises?

CK: Right now it looks like this:

Sunday - total upper body
Monday - total lower body
Tuesday - abs
Wednesday - back/chest
Thursday - legs
Friday - shoulders/arms
Saturday - abs and high-intensity interval training.
I also teach classes 6x a week.

WP: That is an extremely thorough program you have in place! Can you give us an example of your daily diet?

CK: I eat 6 meals a day:

Breakfast - ½ cup oats hydrated with water, 1 cup liquid egg whites, ½ cup blueberries.

Post-workout - Whey shake, 2 rice cakes +1 tbsp. raw organic honey, 1 cup strawberries.

Lunch - 4 oz. lean protein (turkey, fish, chicken), medium sweet potato, 2 cups salad with 2 tbsp. light salad dressing.

Snack - 1 slice Ezekiel sprouted-wheat bread + 1 tbsp. almond butter.

Dinner - 5 oz. lean protein, 2 cups green vegetables.

Bedtime - 1 scoop casein protein +1 tbsp. almond butter.

WP: Again, extremely thorough. The measure of a true champion! Tell me, what is your favorite cheat food?

CK: I really don’t cheat regularly, but occasionally I do have some chocolate! I love M&M’s, chocolate-covered raisins, and dark chocolate-covered espresso beans! Also, I do try to limit alcohol, but once in a while I treat myself. My ability to tolerate alcohol has become greatly diminished, however! It doesn’t take much for me to feel it!

WP: I’m glad to hear that you do on occasion treat yourself! How does your on-season diet differ from your off-season?

CK: That’s a tricky one! I eat clean all year. There are more carbs during the off-season, but the food choices themselves remain the same. It’s a holdover from the eating disorder; once I find a menu or two that works, I just stick with them. Right now, I’m at about 165 grams of protein, 200 grams of carbs, and 40-45 grams of fats. At the end of the day, all 3 columns have to balance, you know? So, it’s a lot of time spent with pencil, paper, and a calculator.

WP: Having a menu that works for you is enormously beneficial. However, because of your struggle with food, do you ever find dieting for competition to be difficult?

CK: As hard as it is to believe, coming from one who deals with an eating disorder, I actually find sometimes that competition dieting at the end can be hard! I get very caught up with the details, such as the mg of sodium having to be perfect, and the volume of fluid. The old perfectionist kicks in; my coach refers to it as “the paralysis of analysis”. What a great phrase! I feel that if I don’t do Peak Week absolutely correctly, the entire year’s worth of training will have been for nothing come competition day. But, of course, that is not true! What is really hard about it is that I eat so stringently that it is challenging for my family.

WP: You have quite a bit of experience working in fitness! Tell me about it!

CK: I am an AFAA-certified Group Exercise Instructor and have been teaching at the Jewish Community Center in St. Louis for 22 years. A few years ago, I became certified by NSCA as a personal trainer. The blending of my two passions has been amazing; each compliments the other, and together they afford me a unique perspective on helping my clients as well as my students. For many years, I owned a kids’ fitness/choreography company, “Kids on the Move”. I would hold after-school aerobic dance programs for elementary-school children. We’d learn dances for 6 weeks, and then put on a recital for parents and teachers. It was great! I loved being able to help rid the world of future couch potatoes! I also hold a Bachelor of Science degree in microbiology. Although I am not currently doing research at the medical school, where I worked for several years, I still use my science background when I research information for writing articles for publication. I started writing for fitness magazines several years ago. It is such a different endeavor from my “active” job, and it allows me to use my creative energy in yet another direction! WP: Again I say, you really do it all! And, you’re a fitness model to boot!

CK: I have had the pleasure of working with many photographers. Most recently, Gino and Carlos Santa Maria have done some amazing images for me, some of which have appeared in World Physique Magazine, including on one of the ads in the summer issue. Also, I met Jeff Glasser at the Indiana competition and he took wonderful images there. I’d love to work with more of the photographers whose images I have seen in World Physique magazine!

WP: How do you fit it all in?

CK: Traveling for photo shoots is hard with the family and my work schedule. I work part-time, but all 7 days of the week! Being organized is truly the key!

WP: You do a tremendous amount of writing on anorexia and eating disorders. Can you tell me about that? Do you see yourself incorporating public speaking on the topic?

CK: I feel it is important to reach out to the most vulnerable individuals in our society today, and sadly, they are so very young. The dangers of eating disorders need to be pointed out to girls as young as 8 or 9 years old. How sad is that! My doctor had wanted me to start a lecture series, and I am hoping for the right venue and opportunity to present itself. I have never been afraid of speaking about my journey. I don’t feel it is anything to be ashamed of, and if my experience can help someone, why not be open and honest about it?

WP: Cathleen, by you sharing your story, you are helping more people than you can ever know. Hearing the story of someone who battled anorexia for many years, fought it, and is now a natural bodybuilding competitor is so empowering! What do you want people to know about anorexia?

CK: Most people do not realize that eating disorders have the highest incidence of death out of all mental illnesses. It is a disease, an addiction. I want people to know that it is not a choice any more than depression or OCD is a choice. However, there is a way out with the proper tools and guidance. Much as one learns to live with and manage diabetes, one can learn to manage anorexia, even if being “totally recovered” is not a realistic option. I prefer to use the phrase “in recovery”, since it truly is a dynamic, day-by-day process.

WP: What advice would you give to someone suffering from this disorder?

CK: I would want her to know that she is not alone, that there are others who have travelled her path and can help her through the darkness. While it is important to stress the imminent health risks, when one is in the throes of the illness there is so much brain dysfunction due to the lack of fatty acids being consumed that one’s thinking is not clear. Therefore, it is vital to establish a trust bond, such that the person understands that the world is NOT trying to “make her fat”, but rather trying to save her life. Once that is achieved, healing can begin. I’d also let her know that I realize her self-image is not the same as the world’s perception of her body, and that will no doubt always be the case; however, there are ways; such as bodybuilding, whereby one can maintain a lean body while making it a healthier one.

WP: As busy as you are, how do you make time for yourself? How do you unwind?

CK: I love to read! Since I eat lunch at home by myself most days, the girls being in school or at work, I try to read during lunch. Even if it is just for 10-15 minutes, it is still a nice break in the day.

WP: Who are some of your idols? Who do you admire most?

CK: I think Davana Medina has a gorgeous body. To me, she looks more like a bodybuilder than a Figure athlete. And, while very muscular, she also maintains extreme leanness and is on the smaller side, like myself.

WP: I have admired Davana for a long time. She does have a fantastic physique! Where would you like to see your fitness career 10 years from now?

CK: I always promised myself I’d still be competing into my 50’s and, God-willing, that’ll be the case! But, I try not to look too much further down the road than one or two years at a time.

WP: How is your outlook on food different now compared to 10 years ago?

CK: I used to view food as “The enemy”. Now I view it as fuel for performance. I like to think that everything I consume has a purpose!

WP: That is a fantastic outlook to have about your nutrition. So, where can we look for you next?

CK: In 2011, my hope is to compete with a natural organization that has a Masters Division for women over 50. I think that is so exciting, since I’ll turn 50 next June. So far, I have found one such organization, but I’m not sure where in the country I’ll compete. The 2011 schedules aren’t out yet! Definitely look for more of my articles here in World Physique, though!

WP: I am sure we have a lot of readers who will have questions for you upon reading this interview. Is there anyone you would like to thank before we close?

CK: There are so many people who have helped me arrive at this place. You know the saying that it takes a village to raise a child? Well, I feel it has taken a village to raise me! From my eating-disorders specialist to my trainers to my supporters at the JCC and the friends I have made through competing, everyone has had a hand in helping me succeed. Tammy here at World Physique has been awesome, too, giving me an outlet for my writing and an opportunity for exposure. My family has been very tolerant with me, too, over the past 10 years, and that means a lot. Bodybuilding is a solo sport, but, success means nothing without people you love with whom to share it.

WP: It has been such a pleasure interviewing you! Your story is a true testament that you can overcome an eating disorder, thrive and be a tremendous role model to others. Cathleen, you are an inspiration!

CK: Thank YOU!