World Physique

Can You Hear My Cries?

A touching story about Anorexia
Transformation of the Month - August 2009

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Interviewed by: Tammy Renee'

Not all transformation stories are about losing from 300 pounds to 126 pounds. Nor are they all about how much mass a person has gained over a short period. Some transformation stories are there to touch your heart and help heal the world. We give you a very touching story of the life of Lindsay DeMara; how I survived anorexia.

When Lindsay DeMara was just nine months old, she was adopted. She was taken from her mother and placed into a already-made home. A happy home that turned almost deadly; where she says she was raped and abused for almost nine years of her life. To make matters worst, at the lowest point in Lindsay’s life, she lost her grandmother; whom she loved very much.

The nightmare, according to Lindsay, began when she was seven years old. Her oldest brother started raping and abusing her until she was 15 years old. No one knew what was happening, but her. She tried to yell for help, but her screams were silent and her cries went unheard. She didn't have the courage to tell anyone until she was 17 years old and a senior in High School. That year, her world was turned upside down, but it was probably the bravest thing she has ever done; she stood up for herself and told someone.

She went off to college, with her past and all the hurt on my shoulders. She had very low self-esteem and hated who she had become. She started self-harming during her freshman year in college.

Her anorexia started shortly after that. The summer after her freshman year, she went back home. She admits she had been taking her pain and sorrow out with food and had gained a lot of weight.



Now, several years later, she is in recovery!

Anorexia nervosa, commonly referred to simply as anorexia, is one type of eating disorder. More importantly, it is also a psychological disorder. Anorexia is a condition that goes beyond out-of-control dieting. A person with anorexia initially begins dieting to lose weight. Over time, the weight loss becomes a sign of mastery and control. The drive to become thinner is actually secondary to concerns about control and/or fears relating to one's body. The individual continues the endless cycle of restrictive eating often to a point close to starvation in order to feel a sense of control over the body. This cycle becomes an obsession and is similar to any type of drug or substance addiction. Learn more about anorexia


WP: Although you will read a detailed interview in our next hard copy magazine, we wanted to break the silence with this small and short interview in hopes Lindsay’s story can reach out and help others. At the end of this interview, we will give you links to learn more about anorexia, the cause, the treatments, and support groups.

Congratulations on winning our ‘Transformation of the Month’. Although your story is a sad one, it is also positive because you are reaching out to help others with anorexia. How does it feel to be considered for such a title?

LD: I feel honored! For the first time, I feel like I can actually inspire others who are battling with eating disorders and let them know that recovery is possible!

WP: We hope that we can reach out and touch someone's life with this story; in hopes they understand that help is out there. Can you tell our readers a little about who you are, what you are made of, and where you came from?

LD: I was born in Superior, Wisconsin and was adopted when I was nine months old. We moved to South Carolina, where I studied ballet constantly. Shortly after moving, my grandma passed away; when I was 16. We moved back to Wisconsin and I was forced to give up my ballet. I love it and that was another heart breaker in my life! I have had a very hard childhood with being raped and abused for almost nine years, but that has made me who I am today. Strong, courageous, a fighter, compassionate, sympathetic and mostly a survivor! What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger!

WP: I can't imagine what that was like for you. It must have been pure hell. But, to see you on the road to recovery just puts a smile on my face. Did you decide to beat this by helping yourself or with others helping you?

LD: I decided to go with self knowledge because only I can truly help myself with my eating disorder. They can give me suggestions on what to do, but ultimately, it is up to me to do the work in order to get better.

WP: That is so true! Did you have a support group helping you or did you do this alone?

LD: I have a wonderful support group made up of many wonderful friends who have stuck by my side through thick and thin! With the help of Mary Kay Valenti, my fiancée, Wendy, and Kari; who is like a sister to me, were the biggest ones who have helped me throughout this process. If it wasn’t for them, I think I would still be “stuck” in my anorexia.

WP: What made you decide you were ready to transform?


LD: I wasn’t ready to lose everything just to be the “thin”. In addition, knowing the fact that people look up to me, I couldn’t let them down. But most of all, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let myself down. I had suffered too much and have fought so hard to be where I am.

WP: What was the biggest challenge you faced while fighting anorexia?

LD: The biggest challenge for me was learning to love myself fully; which includes my mind, body, and soul. With eating disorders, it’s hard for one to accept who they are and like what they see in the mirror, especially when they are gaining their weight back. I believe that was my biggest challenge; looking in the mirror after I got healthier and liking what I saw.

WP: Did you follow any type of program?

LD: I really didn’t have a program. I started out slowly with eating three meals a day. I had to get my stomach used to having food again. Then, I had to teach myself not to over exercise. This took awhile but after about a month, my body was used to having food once again and now I know how to control my work out limit.

WP: What type of physique did you have when you first were struck with anorexia?

LD: I was always on the thinner side growing up until after my freshman year of college. That’s when I put on all my weight. That was also the time where my eating disorder started and I began restricting and over exercising.

WP: How was your life before you started fighting anoxeria?

LD: Wow! Where do I begin? I can say that now I am TRULY happy! I don’t have to pretend to be happy anymore. This is a freedom in itself. I don’t have to be scared to be myself in public. I can do so much more now that I am healthy and no so self-conscience.

WP: Did it ever come a time that you came to a ‘relapse’ in your progress?

LD: There was several times where I relapsed in my recovery. I think at those points, I really wasn’t sure if I wanted recovery or if I still wanted my anorexia. In my heart I knew what was best for me, but my brain was telling me something else.

WP: What did you do differently to overcome the ‘relapses”?

LD: I kept telling myself that I don’t have to be skin and bones to be beautiful. There is no such thing as perfection. And that, if I wanted to have a future, then recovering from my anorexia was the only way that was going to be possible. Also, knowing the fact that my eating disorder can kill me, really help my set my mind on recovering.


WP: How long did it take for your complete transformation?

LD: I have yet to complete my transformation. I don’t know when my transformation will be complete. I know now, though, that instead of being anorexic, I am now a RECOVERING ANOREXIC! This is amazing in itself!

WP: So, instead of starving yourself, you actually started working out. What type of workouts do you do?

LD: My current workout includes the basics. Like sit-ups, stomach crunches, leg - lifts and push-ups. I do 40 sit-ups, sometimes twice a day. I do about 100 stomach crunches, once to twice a day. I do 50 leg-lifts per leg, once to twice and day and 10-20 pushups, once to twice a day. I try to do my workout routine in the morning and then later in the afternoon.

WP: How does your diet compare now to before?

LD: Before, I used to only eat about 500 calories a day, depending on whether or not I would purge. Now, I eat about 1500 calories.

WP: What have you accomplished since your transformation?

LD: One of the major accomplishments is that I have decided to go back to school. So, right now, I am in the process of getting everything ready so I can finish college, graduate, and become a Psychotherapist.

WP: Becoming a Psychotherapist must be your way of helping others. That is wonderful! What would you like to say to motivate others to transform their lives?

LD: In my situation, I just want others who are battling an eating disorder to know that you can win this battle! Being thin isn’t worth losing your family, friends, your future and most importantly your life. Eating disorders can and will kill you.

WP: Since we're going to feature this article in detail in the hard copy magazine, I don't want to spend too much time interviewing you on the internet. But, I do want people to understand what your challenges are while working out. With the illness you have, you beating anoxeria, and living a healthy lifestyle, you also have other health conditions that hender your recovery. Can you tell us what that is?

LD: Well, I was born with a rare genetic disorder called, “Sticklers Syndrome”. It affects my joints, vision and my heart. Due to this, I have arthritis and osteoporosis; so of course, I have to be careful of how much I do exercise each day. I also have to watch out for how much stress I put on my heart due to my Mitral Valve Prolapse.

WP: You have all of that and still such a strong woman! Those that are out there reading this interview that are second guessing yourself to whether if you can beat this or not, look at Lindsay! With all the challenges she has to face, she's making it! And so can you!

One last question, Lindsay, before the closing of this interview because I don't want too much to come out before the interview comes out in the magazine. How have you, mentally and physically, changed over the years?

LD: Due to being sexually abused for so many years when I was little, I became very depressed, suicidal, I self injured, etc. Mentally, I was not healthy at all. But since I started talking to Mary Kay, things have gotten better. I am not so depressed all the time and I feel like I can do more. I am not saying I don’t have my bad days, because I still do, but I know how to manage my depression a lot better.

WP: Thank you, Lindsay! I know this was hard for you to come out in the opening and talk freely about this. I also understand that we are the first people that you have actually told, in full, what had happened during these years of your life. You did it to help others. When I heard your story, I cried and my entire body started to hurt for you. Thank you for being so brave!

LD: I just want to say thank you for giving me this opportunity to inspire other women, as well as men, who are struggling with eating disorders!

WP: It is all of my pleasure! All of my pleasure!

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Helpful links for eating disorders:

helpguide.org
eatingdisordersadvisor.com
Eating Disorders Programs
nimh.nih.gov
nationaleatingdisorders.org